with a fever-or flu

Sometimes i feel lost,
As if i am swimming through a sea of nonsense,
Trying to find a clear path to follow,
And yet i feel so spoiled,
When someone you love is near-
Shouldn't you be happy?
And yet all i can think of is when i can be alone,
And when they are gone,
I want them to be here near me-so badly.

Why do i feel this way?
hmm......i guess i can only ponder the nights away,
till they return and i won't feel so alone,
Or maybe i want to be alone?
sometimes it is what i want,
and sometimes i just want someone here,
Someone to be here to hold me,
even when i don't want to be held,
just to be there,
even if i hate it
because on the days i want it,
it will be there,
the love-waiting for me,
but then it is the day no one is home,
and im left listening to music and doing homework,
maybe even cleaning the house,
just to keep my mind occupied,
tv is also a good substitute,
something mindless and taking away any brain cells left for thinking,
to stare at a screen till my head hurts,
a perfect time waster.
*sigh*
and now i am sitting here with my body sore,
my head in a cloud,
and my body too warm yet too cold,
the classic symptoms of a fever-or flu?
well a sickness nonetheless,
and all i can think is:
i wish someone is here,
just to hold me,
nothing more,
hug me till i disappear into darkness,
and soon waking up to find im still being held,
by someone i love.
I wish my dad was,
or my mom,
even if my brother was here he'd be out with friends so no real diff there.
well time to go,
see ya later.