what is torment?

is it the notion that ur father keeps walking into ur room to make sure ur doing ur homework?
is it the feeling that u cannot talk freely anywhere?
is it the sentiments you feel yet cannot speak out loud?

what is torment?

'....a tear will not suffice, maybe a billion will....'

k i have a lot to type about so bear with me....

today is a sad day.....and i realized im only sad when i get home.....and that its not really my dad that i don't like but his restrictions......i feel as if the chain around my neck gets so tight that its hard to breath......and that im ready to choke....i love my dad-but it seems these restrictions can make anybody get mad at their parents fro no reason and want to be alone.....even with homework as an excuse.....

i look at my dad and see all the troubles he's gone through......and yet how he still pushes on.....i look at my friends and see how they are so determined.... working hard and having fun........and then i look at myself and think 'what am i determined about?'.....silence.......its like ive done nothing but sat in front of a tv all through my life.....like im nothing but someone who waits for someone's help to do something.....

also, my friends (the three of us) were gonna watch movies on vice-versa night.....for fun cuz we have no dates and don't care.......unfortunately one of us can't come and i thought we'd call it off......but the other friend said that we'd just hang out......i said okay.......but really im afraid.....this may sound stupid but im always afraid......cuz ive been observing myself(weird huh?) and noticed that.....i have no social characteristics whatsoever......i mean i can't keep a conversation going.......i can't start a conversation-and this is with my best friends......im not lieing.......i mean me and my friend hung out at Border's and we had nothing to talk about......we just sat there reading books and when we got cappucino's we still had nothing to talk about......i have concluded that im boring.......not all the time......but most of the time......im the type to sit and stare at a book for hours on end and have no worries but in social situations with a bunch of people suddenly im uncomfortable, afraid, and worry about what to say.......and so im afraid about saturday........i even wonder how she became my best friend sometimes.......we literally have nothing to talk about.......its kinda....pathetic.......right?.........any way i think ive analyzed myself enough......for today ;)