'True' Happiness

today i talked to my dad about what 'true' happiness. (quotes because how can u really define true)
so he said lots of things....about living and achieveing what u desire....he desires something he still hasn't achieved.....he talked about the quality of life.....how no matter what career choice i choose, i will always be comfortable because America has a good standard of living-not like India......he talked about life being give-and-take.....a compromise always......but thats not what i wanted to know...

i asked if u can find 'true' happiness by living as others wish u to live......

i do not mean to the extremes, such as ur enemies wishing to die so u commit suicide.....no...
...i mean to say those who love u.....why not live the way they want u to live.....

...a few days ago my mother and i had a talk......i finally realized something-which she hesitantly admitted to.....

i would be successful in her eyes only if i become a doctor.......and that is the truth.....

see my dad wanted to know what my goal was in college......what i plan to accomplish......achieve.........i had the shame of saying i wasn't sure....that i would find out in college......i didn't have the privilege of figuring out what i wanted to be when i was 4 yrs old....those kids who end up knowing what college they plan to go to, figure out all the scholarships and graduate sooner than people like me who go to college and try to figure out why the heck they're there....my mom said that this is the problem in this country-that we go to college with the idea that we can figure it all out once we get there.....that was a low blow.....she has been saying that to me for a while-i thought she meant it sincerely.....apparently not......

......why shouldn't i be a doctor-i see no problem......i certainly won't be unhappy.....ill be successful to my parents......ill be saving lives-something that is worthwhile and not a waste of my life.....not to mention being financially stable enough to spread the wealth to those who need it.....and being able to take care of the ones i love because i know the medical procedures very well.......my dad noticed that my grandpa was having speaking problems after a routine check-up at the doctor's office where they took some tests.....something had happened that could have grown to a big problem if my dad had not noticed it and asked the doctor to make sure he was alright......so many bonuses of devoting my life to a highly accredited lifestyle......

so tell me, is it really wrong to live by the wishes of ur parents?

my dad said it was wrong, but he might have said different if i told him what specifically i was talking about....

A Bit of Empathy 4/30/08

He paused for a moment
In a silence of unrest,
Then turned as quickly
As if someone had slapped him,
But the words were only truth
So it tread on his memory,
Bringing out the bitter solitude
That everyone has,
Till a lone soul dares to ask
With a fear of being ignored,
So to wait a moment
Would be a domino-effect,
Leaving the bitterness in another
To be unveiled another time,
But he turns
Whether through a bit of sympathy
For the kind,
Or hope to be understood
Through the eyes of another,
A desire we all tend to feel
Some point of our tender lives,
And a speel of words disappear
In the noise of life,
Leaving the body language
To be interpreted for the slightest bit of understanding,
And as the emotions puddle out
In a rhythmic flow,
As if waiting for the right chord to start,
Before beginning the allegro,
I smile inwardly
Because however unwitting my actions were
To him and others,
Somehow appreciation grows in my heart
Developed from the infinitely loving
One.
And although the hope to be revealed
From the obscurity of my unseen action remains,
I withdraw with resolve
And a smile deeply within,
Tenderly kept as a little secret
Only he can ask to see.

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well its been a while. sorry! but i picked my college-LOYOLA UNIVERSITY! and am so excited. finally the stress is gone. yes! so i gtg. but ill try to keep posting. hope u like the poem. :)