not a bit like a pessimist

well, i think i was just being moody or somethin cuz yesterday seems like a totally different me!

have u ever felt like there's so many parts of u-like ur made up of so many people that half the time u don't even know urself how ur gonna act about somethin or react to somethin.
well i feel like this sometimes-especially when i kinda get depressed and then i realize 'wow im such a moody teenager' no wonder they say teens are moody.

and aud- ill try not to kick out love just yet because ur comment is refreshingly comforting. and to tell u the truth its not that im lookin for love-im more like scared of it....in a way.....kinda complicated.....

anyways i don't feel moody today. YES! i again tell u all to be optimistic! and yes ricky ive heard of that in the movie 'VIVAH' right? i love that movie. (hindi movie that is a cute lil love story) so thats all folks. ha! bugs bunny! :P

a bit of a pessimist

amazing how much u can tell as stranger and yet not to the ones u love. right?

emotions, feelings, everything is bottled up from them.

why?

because we care what they think, what they feel, how they perceive us and hope not to lose them

a stranger is a nobody, they'll just walk away but a loved one can hurt u-they have the weapons and that's all that scares us into secrecy.

better to stay incognito then to be hurt, right?

and so here i am typing away to nobody....and yet somebodys.....

to tell the truth-i believe im becoming a bitter pessimist of 'love'.....

-just the fact of putting that word in quotes should prove my point.

i mean there is no such thing-really!

'love at first sight'=lust

how can anyone love someone and then have their eyes stray elsewhere?

and 'true love'? i thought that is with only one person and he/she is someone u never forget.

i see no proof anywhere of this 'love' stuff. oh yes i am a romantic-slightly ironic don't you think?

anyways i enjoy watching those mushy chick flicks and i love the beauty of it....the little romantic notes......the looks of passion......giving up everything for that person....

but just because i adore those movies does not mean i believe- i know it is a fictional world created by imaginations of those who desire a perfect lovely world.

all who have had an arranged marriage say to have a love marriage, all who have a love marriage say to have an arranged marriage....

truly im actually sick of thinking about all the is 'love' crap.

and i knew i was becoming a bitter pessimist when i was watching a movie and the guy says 'i love u' .....suddenly i was just filled with hate and frustration like how the hell can u pretend and say u love someone. it seemed so meaningless and empty. as if there is no such thing as 'love'...........*sigh*

see im becoming a pessimist. its actually kinda scary cuz id rather be an optimist-its so much easier.....one of the reasons im trying not to think about all these thoughts....

i used to believe in it. it seems so naive now-to believe in something without proof or experience.

and now? im not really sure what changed.....maybe i just gave up?......SEE?! PESSIMIST!

*sigh*

k im done thinkin about this. its annoing. :P.......seriously i advise everyone out there to be an optimist-its SO MUCH easier!!!!!!!

;)

Truth Redefined 1/8/08

This is a jumbled mixture
Added with sweetness and innocence,
Left to be muddled by the world,
Confused by life's liberties and secret privacies,
While lingering upon naive feelings
Ending in regret for the other,
And filled with pure stubbornness and accusations
Wrongly pointed at those aiding,
Just to live in perpetual sorrow,
Only to end in the opposite direction,
Pure true hate spilling from the previously untainted
To mar the outside beauty,
Leaving with only an ounce of regret
But disgust in every cell.


Where I'm From 1/9/08

I'm from wide-ruled paper
and messy cross-outs,
From sloppy handwriting
and unhidden thoughts,
From dark eyeliner
and compliments
From sweet smiles
and innocence pure.

I'm from foreign culture
and secret hopes
From traveling abroad
to fulfill a wish,
I'm from dreams of stars
and dreams of sweet bliss
of knights and castles
of true requited lust.

I'm from jeers and taunts
from sensitized emotions
From drops of rain within
and dancing out loud
From recognized splendor
in the world around us
And happiness gained
though not through quantity
From living a life in the image of another
And changing and changing
With an endless end.