The Glowing Face 7/24/07

she glides across the sky
freely moving toward one goal
climbing higher
her hair growing to flow across the heavens
blanketing everything in darkness
a seductress of sorts
weaving her own magic
enchanting lovers and loners
to stare openly, innocently at her
till she has had her fill
and leaves as lightly as she came
slowly flowing away
taking the stars with her
the twilight magic
and leaving behind those who cannot follow
but those who try only fall back so far
that when she comes back
that one has lost her magic
and then another comes
to be claimed by the same power
the same glowing face
sometimes veiled
other times a full face
masked by its brightness
without a smile or frown
only the beauty of its arrival and departure
until the next time
when her magic wills her to come
and compel us to look upon her
in wonder
in amazement
and never find such beauty
even in the arms of our lover.

Some Thoughts

no more sympathy 7/24/07

i am weak,
weak from within,
weak from the world
and its troubles,
and yet it hurts
the meekness of my personality
is like a thorn in my side
persistantly there
easing itself deeper and deeper into my side
to remind me constantly
to stay strong
and yet during those times of solitude
the sadness won't come
the tears won't fall
the times when im ready to let it come
it waits as a pressure
only to release at his words
his actions
the one whose actions mean the most to me
and that is when i fail
somehow avoiding the full flood
but nearing the end of being able to hold back
and holding back is not in selfishness
for sympathy is not a want of mine
but rather to allow the full force of his to come upon me
to hold out until he is through with what he means to say
and know how he truly feels
before i bite down hard against the tears
and wait for the pressure to fall away
back into that well
until his anger rises again
and the hail comes to try to force sympathy
but no
i will not fall
i will not fail
no more sympathy will be issued from the meek
the weak
and the thorn can go straight to my heart
but i will not give in to sympathy
not ever
and maybe one day he will not have any more to say
and his thirst for anger will be satiated
then maybe the tears will come freely
maybe


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it seems that the poem expresses me totally. yes it does.

some argue the reasons for my grounding, for why i went to a silly little late-night movie and didn't call my parents.....well u could say i was stupid, silly, and being a teenager (the usual stereotype) who doesn't think of the consequences....

u are deeply wrong for i did know. i knew not calling my parents would be the stupidest decision in my life and even more so because i knew what punishment i would get. i knew i would probably be grounded maybe for a month or so. i knew my parents might even regard me with hate for going with people they don't know too well. i knew my mom would only remember my grounding for a week, but my dad would remember for the rest of his life. i knew i might not be let out until school starts again. i knew all of this and yet ur probably wondreing why i did this....well....

i guess it all comes down--yep that im a teenager....one that wants a bit of freedom, a bit of recklessness, a bit of fun more than what i can get. i felt i didn't have enough freedom. yes i do have many restrictions. i can not hang out (even as friends) with a boy(s) alone. i can not stay out past 11p.m. i can not talk to friends late at night no matter what. i can't have relationships with boys other than acquaintances. i used to not be able to sleep over at friend's houses and that is still kinda there, just my same race people's houses who my parents know very well. i have to call my parents all the time to tell them where im at and with who. so yes i do have many restrictions......but one thing really pushes me......

a friend. no not peer pressure but this good friend of mine i never see and barely talk to. someone who lives far away and doesn't come here often and someone i knew i probably wouldn't be able to hang out with again unless i invited some girl friends.....yep he was a boy-but only a friend. how can i explain that to my parents? my friend and i had talked about catching up on movies....(which most i owned) and doing a whole day of just movies......but would my parents approve of a girl and a guy in the basement alone? no and i can understand th reasons......just wish they could trust him.....

so i took a chance.....went to that movie to spend two more hours with him knowing they would be my last until next he came......well u can say i still did a stupid thing and call me a teenager-which i am......or just shrug and move on......hopefully ive explained my reasons enough so that no one still wonders why......yes it was stupid and im not defending myself......just explaining.........and one more thing.......

one day i came home from the mall and went down to the basement. my brother and his friend (a girl) were watching a movie.....alone.

that is all. u can call my parents hypocrits i guess. sometimes i do too. but they only fear for my safety.....its what all parents do. well i probably should go now. anyways i should probably figure out what to cook tonight for my family.........hmmm.......

til peace comes forth in vain

i feel a sadness within me
and yet i cannot place it
it writhes and squirms
then falls asleep
to awake with a jolt of slight sarcasm
to taunt me with its aches and pains
and pain me from within
though sadness may not be its name
it is of strangest fame
if only one day it came out
but yet it smirks in humor
at my constant struggle to keep it in
and wait for it to abate
but when in peace i let it out
it does not willingly come
until i push and push and push
so much it it frustrating
till tears come out not from sadness
but from hate's angry soul
until again i must insist on keeping it within
and hope it may not come again
til peace comes forth in vain.

her heart

she trembles and aches,
this little girl that could not find hope,
only grief to inflict upon her,
and thickening faster,
building up within and around,
leaving no place open or free,
willing the tears to flow,
the eyes well-up,
nearly pouring out in full force,
until there is no end,
through all the turmoil,
tears and trouble,
she stops and listens to her heart,
for once it speaks to her,
beckoning silently,
quietly to help her through the muck,
and release her full of fervor,
to take on the darkness of this world,
and so her heart grew stronger,
her chin flew higher,
and the skies were now her horizon,
and the ground a cold, distant past.